What do I post about?

Life here in central Indiana is hard. Over the past few weeks it's really been hitting me how alone I am. I guess I shouldn't say that. I live with my husband after all, and I love him very much. It's just hard to never have anyone to hang out with. He's off for a guys night and what do I have? Well....nothing. All of my friends are back in Fort Wayne. It's difficult to comprehend that just a year ago I was still a little busy-body; always running off to do something with someone. Now I am home at 4:30 and don't leave until work the next morning. I have no motivation to go out and be adventurous when it's just me.

I feel almost defeated to living this lifestyle. Work, home, Dinner, TV, Shower, Bed. Repeat. What happened to the girl that used to LOVE to be out and active? The girl who loved the thought of the next run or geocache hunt?

She's gone.

Now I'm a different woman. A woman who married a man that doesn't like those things. I let myself use those as excuses to be lazy. I did. Not my husband, not my surgeon, not my job. Me. So now I have to get back into it. I have to force myself to re-learn the things I new before. The things that came so easy to me.

This my friends, sucks. It really sucks.

So I ask for your help. For your support. To draw motivation from you and your success. I ask to be held accountable. To gain friends.

With ridiculously high winds (like almost-blow-my-car-over) I am unsure of whether going outside would be a good idea. I will find something to do.

Also, I am going to go Pop-free for a month. 4/29-5/29 in hopes to help me become a healthier person.

Please please please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Back on the Horse

I hope everyone out there in Blog land had a wonderful Easter. Mine was filled with lots of traveling, time with family and friends, and lots of not-tracked food.

Yes that's right; I didn't track anything this weekend. You know what? No guilt here. I worked my butt off for a month, was very conscientious about what and how much I ate. I knew that when this weekend was over I would jump right back on the horse. It was nice to eat food and not worry about how many points I had left. I even enjoyed my favorite Chinese food with my family.

Now, it's time to get to business. Now it's time to put one foot in front of the other. Figuratively, and literally. That's right friends: I am working my way back into running.

I will be running in the Fort 3 Fitness this year. My aspiration? To run the half again. I want to do this. I need to do this. But I'm scared. Scared to fail. Scared to find out I still can't run. Scared to learn that it's going to be hard, that more than a few times I will want to give up and just not do this. I can't accept that though.

I need to do this for so many reasons. I need to find myself again. I can't help but think about the past and how good I felt always running. I was in college, and I worked 3 jobs, but I had time still to do it. I wasn't fast, and I will never be fast, but I was free. Free from the troubles of the day, free from worry of failure, free of what-ifs. I had this great life and things seemed so perfect. Looking back now, the only thing I wish I had back then was my husband. I knew who he was, but we didn't hang out and we certainly weren't friends. In fact, I was crushing on another guy. A guy who was a complete and total waste of time. When it came down to it, I wasn't even worth being friends with. Now when I see him I realize that God was really looking out for me. I have a wonderful husband that I take for granted. I have a life to live and a life to love, but I'm not making the most of it.

I need to lose weight. I want to be a mom soo stinking bad. I know that it's not time yet, and I struggle with being okay with that. I am not ready to be a mom. I want to be healthy and fit and teach my children that living a healthy lifestyle is a good thing. I want to inspire my husband to be active. I want to feel the enjoyment of feeling the wind in my face as I quietly tick off another mile.

So why does all my motivation go out the window when I get home after work? It's frustrating and I don't get it. I just want to want to run and be healthy. I don't want to be so self-conscious of others around me. I don't want to care about the comments I get when running. I just want to run.

Alright dawgs; it's game time

I usually start my blogs by explaining a little about myself.

1. "Ex-Runner" -- I used to run all the time until having a serious surgery on my knee. Since then it's been hard to get back in the game. I'm hoping this blog will help motivate me to start again.
2. Weight Watchers member -- I've been a part of WW for just over a month now. The first month I lost 11 pounds! I love the simplicity of it. That, and the fact that I don't have to calculate everything on my own.
3. I'm a whale. -- Well pretty close to one. Currently sitting at 201.1 (as of my last official weigh-in). I've been down to 155 in my college years and through a series of unfortunate events, here I am.
4. Engineer -- Biomedical Engineer to be exact. I'm pretty stoked I found this degree. Love my job, love my work. It's great!
5. Married -- To a ginger! I know! Everyday is a constant battle to keep my soul :)
6. A Christ Follower -- I believe in the One True Living God. Jesus is my Savior, and I love Him more than anything! (At least I try to. I'm a sinner and I fail miserably time and time again. The great thing about God is that He still loves me and forgives me.)
7. A new homeowner -- Kinda a big deal.

There are a few facts about me. On here you will see lots of struggles, attempts at returning to exercise, weight loss, weight gains. It's an adventure though. One I plan to enjoy.