Busy busy busy

Hey everyone! Sorry I've been MIA for a while (a long while)! Since leaving for vacation up until now things have been very hectic. I will post some pictures from our trip to Michigan later when I've had the chance to download them.

The husband is off on the East Coast for some training and I am home alone. I have to say, I haven't been home alone at night since I got married. It is hard to get adjusted to; especially in a house! I have such a difficult time sleeping alone now, that I can't wait until he comes home on Friday.

I started the 21 Day Fix a few weeks ago and have until Sunday to go. It has been a great experience so far! I love the workouts, and once I got the hang of cooking like this the meals I made started to get better. The Shakeology shakes have been pretty decent too. My favorite has been the chocolate shake with some iced coffee! I'll share my results some time next week. So far however, I have lost 7 pounds! It would have been a lot more, but our weekends have been filled to the brim with traveling, which has included some eating not in the plan. Overall, I would highly recommend this plan to anyone. I love that I have started to crave Fruits and Veggies.

This weekend we will be running (ahem....walking) the Colts 5K. I am glad that my husband hasn't backed out yet! I have been putting a lot of thought into it, and at least at the present time, I cannot run. I am hoping that once I lose some more weight, that I can get back to it, but since my last big surgery nothing has felt the same. I need to focus on having a healthy attitude towards working out. I don't just have to run to be healthy. I can walk, swim, use videos.....running itself doesn't make me health; exercising and eating a balanced diet helps me become healthy. It's easier said than done, right?

One day at a time I suppose.

Well....that's all I have time for! I'll be back with pictures later!

Let's just pretend I posted this on Wednesday, mmmmkay?

I cannot believe how ridiculously sore I am all over. I thought that maybe after a day it would get better, but I dare say I am sorer today than I was yesterday. It’s a good thing for sure; I just want to be able to thoroughly enjoy my workouts.

So far I have done the total cardio and upper body videos and am still in the “I like these” category. They’re encouraging without being ridiculous and emphasize the value of the correct form over number of repetitions for the exercises. The modifications are practical and still allow you to get a good sweat going. I’m thinking today will need to be a yoga day because I really need the stretching!

I have to confess that I really didn’t want to do the Upper Body video yesterday. I was already sore and tired. The last thing I wanted to do was put on workout clothes and try to do those pushups I’ve avoided for a year. I am soooo glad that I still went and did it. Do you ever have a workout that, once you are finished, say “Well that was a waste of time?” I don’t think so. I’ve gotten in that lazy mindset. You know the one that tells you to immediately change out of your work clothes straight into your pajamas? The one that says it’s okay to eat that candy bar, that Coke, that bag of chips before dinner? I don’t pretend to be naïve. This is going to be the most difficult part of my journey. I need to change my priority and the attitude associated with those priorities. I can’t force the hubs to change his attitude toward working out, but he will have to do it regardless. J Just three years ago I was a fitness fanatic. I loved that feeling, of enjoying being fit. I can’t wait to enjoy it again. I have been thinking of how to make things more motivational for me, and since I am losing weight to be a healthier mom for my kids I thought it would be a great idea to use them as my motivation! I am going to let all my readers in on a little secret of mine: I have a baby Pintrest board. There I said it. Much like my closet blogging, the baby board is a secret one. I will not make it public until we announce that we are pregnant with our first. I pin stuff as I come across things in the Popular section: onsies, nursery decorations, pregnancy announcements. It is probably the most populated board I have. I can’t wait to be a mom; to raise our children and love them with my whole heart. I think that putting up a couple pictures of the pins on my motivational board will help remind me of why I can’t give up, why I need to continue to work for this.

One thing that I’ve noticed while trying out these videos was that it a lot harder to do things like planks and pushups. Having 200 pounds to push up repeatedly is a lot harder than 150 pounds with some muscle. I look forward to the future when doing pushups for a minute won’t be so incredibly difficult. ( I think the fitness mindset is already starting to take hold J )

So as we are getting ready to leave for vacation on Friday, I will be trying to plan out the month of August’s meal plans for both the hubs and I. He is wary now, but with as much as it looks like he gets, I’m sure he won’t be complaining for long!

It has been raining and storming all day long. I love listening to the rain hit the window above me. It helps me create the illusion that I am doing something relaxing; like curling up with a book and glass of my favorite wine, all snug in a large sweatshirt and yoga pants. J I know you feel the same way! I can’t wait to get home and use the yoga DVD to stretch and unwind from the day. Maybe I will even have time for a bubble bath!

 

I hope everyone else is having a fantastic Wednesday! Just remember, we’re half-way through the work week! Woo!

Lately Updates

September by Chris Daughtry, Carmel Apple Pops, the crunch of those golden fall leaves, football on Friday nights, Cross Country meets on Saturday mornings, Soccer games on Saturday afternoons, apple orchards, pumpkin spice lattes, late nights with friends, sitting out on the roof watching the cars drive by, the warms of a hoodie, Notre Dame games, the Golden Dome, Daddy-Daughter Football game, watching the Notre Dame marching band bring the team to the stadium, smores, bonfires, running with a hat and jacket, early morning 5Ks, the Fort-4-Fitness, my first half marathon, warm apple cider, rake and run, fall activities at Indiana Tech, meteor showers, late nights, early mornings, hot chocolate, marching band, hanging out at Bellevue’s major intersection watching cars go by while enjoying a slushie, deep talks, the change of the season, cooler temperatures, jean weather, the smell of PINK body spray.

When the temperature begins to cool, even for a day or two, and it feels like fall, these are the strong memories that flash through my mind. So many good times with friends and family; whether it was pre-college, or college time. It’s amazing that through all of the changes, the ups and downs, the points I was hurting the most, that these memories would be seared into my mind, forever standing for what I love about fall. You know how there are those everyday memories, that each time you recall them, they become more and more fuzzy? Well these memories are so strong that I feel transported back in time. These memories are alive, and whenever I come across them I feel like I am back in the past, enjoying my Saturday cross country meet, or running with my friends.

Life is a lot different. I couldn’t even begin to describe how incredibly different it is now, but that’s not a bad thing. Three years ago I was hovering between 155-160 and running all over the place. I was in my final year of college, trying desperately to finish school strong while dealing with heart break. There were definitely a lot of pros in that time, but there were some significant cons.  Fast forward to current time. I am sitting at 205 pounds, not exercising at all (that part is changing!) and happily married to my best friend. If I had the choice to be healthy, but without my husband or overweight and with him, I’d choose the latter without hesitation. I am working towards being healthy, and my husband is working on it too. I love him more each day, even if I’m upset with him sometimes. He’s human; he’s not the one who is supposed to be perfect.

We have made a decision to both get healthy before we have children. So what’s that look like? For both of us, we will lose 50+ pounds. It’s my hope that this can be achieved in the next year, but it may take a little longer. I cannot be so unhealthy with children; they deserve better. Likewise, I want my husband to be around for our kids. I want him to be able to play and have fun with them. I am excited for this, but nervous as well. We needto succeed, but the question is how long will it take? I want to be a mother, I want to have children and raise them, to love them. I am so tired of being told not to rush into things. It’s not like I woke up as decided to have kids overnight, it’s not like this feeling started when everyone started announcing they were expecting. It has been almost a year. Just because I haven’t been vocal for the whole past year doesn’t mean it hasn’t been on my mind.

Karri over at Babe Before Baby has been having amazing results with the 21 Day Fix. A couple weeks ago I saw that she had a link to fill out for health help. I took the plunge and submitted my name and info. A few days later she contacted me about talking about the inquiry. I’m happy to say she gave enough good information because I now have my 21 Day Fix package at home! Since the hubs and I are going on vacation on Friday, I decided that we would start on Sunday, August 3^rd. For now, I will just use the workout DVDs while waiting for Friday to get here. I started yesterday with the cardio video. Holy cow! Even though it was only 30 minutes it totally kicked my butt. I am ridiculously sore today. The thing that I really liked about the video was that it wasn’t about speed, but more about form. Autumn was way better in terms of an encouraging instructor than other video instructors I’ve used before. We will see how the next few days go, but I expect to be sore when we leave on Friday. Additionally, I expect to lose a pound or so this week, but will probably gain it back over the course of next week’s vacation. I am not going to stress too much about perfect eating next week because all of our meals will obviously be out. I will try to make the majority of my breakfasts a healthy one.

So here is to a great, healthy week this week! Tell me what you’re doing to be healthier this week!!

Falling Short Every Time

Sometimes there are those posts, be it Facebook, blog, or Twitter, that really resonate within me. Today Karri over at babebeforebaby posted about Struggles, Failures, and Success. I feel like that post was written for me; I feel that way any time I look at another lady. I am just way too free with myself. Today I reminisced of my very short-lived "glory days" in which I was at my healthiest and feeling great and could do anything. Between Sophomore and Junior year of college I really got my butt into shape by eating sensibly; my portions were much more appropriate, and I enjoyed the occasional treat. I worked out almost every day by running. By the time pre-season started for soccer I was down from ~180s to the ~150s. I was noticeably different, to the point where even the really good looking girls in school commented on how good I looked. Looking back now I realize that what really kept me rooted was my walk with the Lord. I was involved in Bible Studies and a couple Bible Groups, spent the appropriate amount of time away from technology and buried myself in my reading of His Word. 

Then my best friend of the time (and crush of 3 years) stopped hanging out with me, stopped talking with me. I was so very upset and confused. I had spent a vast majority of my days hanging out with that person, which also introduced me to the Bible, and all of a sudden he was gone. That was the point that I lost my way. I remember that I began eating to comfort myself instead of turning to God. I remember being angry. All I wanted was my friend, if that's all we would ever be that was fine; why couldn't we be friends anymore? I spent many days alone and upset, crying over anything that reminded me of the friendship I once had.

Eventually I gained a couple really good friends who helped me through that time. Those friendships are still alive today, even though we live thousands of miles apart. I began working out more, eating a little better. I even found a great man that I get to call my husband today. His love and patience with me is far greater than I deserve; a true gift from God. 

I know I am no where near perfect; my struggles are common with many people. Today it really hit me. What I am missing. I am not as close to God as I once was, instead letting trivial things take his place. My heart aches for my God, but my pride has kept me from admitting it. 

So here I am, confessing my struggles. Here I am laying it out for whoever reads. That's the first thing I need to fix. I need to dwell with God closer and longer and keep Him at the top of my priorities. His Grace is enough for me, and I need to remember that He will always love me, no matter how many times I mess up.

Kiss Nails. Take II

Hey all! I thought it would be a good time to leave you with one of my promised product reviews. I am traveling for work tomorrow, so I have been busy in preparation for that. Nothing like a long days car ride to get you all out of whack for the week!

The product I wanted to review for you is none other than the Everlasting French Nails by Kiss. I had received a sample in my last Voxbox from Influenster to review and had a less than desirable trial. The original nails I had didn't even last the day, despite putting the recommended amount of glue on them.

I followed the directions given by Influenster, and left my review of the product on Kiss' Facebook page. I was very surprised to hear back from them within a day (I didn't even expect to hear back at all). They apologized for my less than satisfactory trial and offered to send me another sample.

A couple weeks later I got a package in the mail. I didn't just get one sample, I got two! In addition to some great coupons for later!

First off I have to say, I really like it when a company tries to make things right. If I leave a comment for them I honestly don't expect anything, I just want to give my thoughts to help their product succeed. Thank you very much for sending these samples!

I tried the straight-white French Tip nails first. They lasted almost a whole week, until I snagged my finger in something at work. Honestly, the second time around was a complete 180. I felt good having these nails on as I can't get my nails to grow long. I have an issue where my nails flake :/ so they don't stay strong. I truly enjoyed getting to sample this product.

As for the black tip....well.... I saved those for my business trip tomorrow. Thanks Kiss for giving me the chance to change my mind about your product!!!

4th of July and life as of lately

Happy 4th of July to my American readers!! Let us remember the real meaning of the holiday; independence and the birth of America! July 4th, 1776 we declared independence from Great Britain.

That being said, how are you celebrating this year? The husband and I are hitting up the Shelby county fair for some good food this afternoon. Later for dinner we will dine on so e nice steak and watch this fireworks display. I am really excited!

This last month or so has been hectic; we had a baby shower to go to and a bunch of moving things to take care of, but as of last weekend we are out of the apartment and strictly homeowners! Now we can focus on all the renovating/home projects we have been planning! I guess that also means we should also finish painting....

I have been making more of an effort to eat right and get some walking in. I have been wrestling with whether or not to get a gym membership. Part of methinks it would be a good idea, but the rest of me thinks it would be better to just get my own treadmill for home. I am currently sitting at 202.3, after having lost 3 pounds this week. Honestly for most days we have eaten the same thing so it's been really easy to keep on track. I am considering today a splurge day because we only go to the fair once a year, if that.

Additionally, I have been involved in increasingly more product reviews. I will have my next review up soon!

Stay tuned for more posts this next week!

Spring Fling VoxBox Review!

Hey everyone!

It's finally time to review all of the neat products I got from Influenster in the Spring Fling Voxbox.
What's a Voxbox? What's Influenster? I'm so glad you asked!

Influenster is a community of trendsetters, social media masterminds, and educated consumers who live to give opinions of products and experiences. We go to www.influenster.com and review products that we use daily, or even things we've just tried. I have used the reviews to determine whether or not something is worth the money to try.

VoxBoxes are boxes filled with complimentary products from your favorite (or soon-to-be-favorite) brands. Not all Voxboxes are created equal: some programs feature an assortment of products while others will spotlight one awesome brand. But make no mistake: All VoxBoxes are created awesome.

I really like this website because it is in no way scammy. I have looked at other sites that require you to do this and that, to sign up for other sites. Influenster is based solely on reviews. The big companies pay these people to get reviews from us. You take surveys that are on the site and answer questions and give reviews and if you meet a specific demographic for a box you will receive a survey. 

I do have a couple invitations to join Influenster so if you would like them please leave a comment telling me so.

This is my second Voxbox since joining in January. Here are all the items that I got in my box:

1. Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara
2. Kiss Everlasting French Nails
3. Peach Pie Car Freshener from the Labor Day Movie
4. Playtex Sport Fresh Balance Tampons
5. NIVEA Skin Firming Hydration Lotion

There was an addition Softlips Cube that was sent out to select Influensters, I did not receive the item so there will be no review.

I wanted to wait until I had a chance to try every item before reviewing. I would like to state upfront that these are my opinions of the products and are in no way influenced by the brands (IE: I didn't receive any money). These products were given to me complimentary for testing purposes for Influenster.

That being said.... lets start with #1

Rimmel London Scandaleyes Retro Glam Mascara

I LOVE this product so much! I would say it was by far the best product I received. I really liked how easy the mascara went on. The brush was shaped a bit differently than most mascara brushes, which I think helped in the application. The look was also much better than the stuff I have been using. I would highly recommend this product to my friends and will definitely look for it when I'm out.

Kiss Everlasting French Nails

I wish I loved this product. I really do. I loved the look and the feel of the French Nails sooooo much. However, they did not stay on for me. Within the first day they started coming off. I tried re-gluing them but eventually they all came off that day. I was very disappointed in the product. I have seen many good reviews however, and wonder if I didn't just get a bad batch of glue. I don't think I'd recommend them yet until I tried them again to see if I would have the same problem.

Peach Pie Car Freshener from the Labor Day Movie

This item was just provided to get people to watch the Labor Day Movie. When I opened it I could definitely smell peaches, but it faded faster than any other car freshener I have had before.

Playtex Sport Fresh Balance Tampons

What girl doesn't love a free box of tampons? Probably someone who doesn't need them. I have been waiting to try these and can finally give a review. I would say I like them (as much as you can like a tampon) and was really glad that I had a free box today. The applicator is small and made of flexible plastic which is really nice in comparison to the cardboard counterpart. Easy open wrapper allows for a quiet and quick open. Small, easy to put in a small container to keep in your purse. Overall, good job Playtex! I would recommend this to friends and will most likely buy it.

NIVEA Skin Firming Hydration Lotion

As far as I know NIVEA is a pretty decent brand; they are one company whose body creams I go running to in the dryness of winter (ouch!). In terms of the "Firming" I didn't really notice any difference. The lotion smell is okay, but probably not my favorite. I will definitely use up the whole bottle, but I don't think I would buy it.

That's it readers! Those were the products I got for FREE to review. :) There's nothing more exciting than free stuff with no strings attached!

No-Go

I would say based off the fact that I have been really emotional today (Lots of crying) over the fact that my husband had to wok very late, that I am probably not pregnant. Preparing to welcome yet another 3 days of discomfort and sweets cravings has me feeling even more upset.

It's not like we're trying to get pregnant.... I just always sike myself up, hoping that I can take a test and see that little + sign. Instead I know that for another month, God's will tells me it is not yet time. I'll be honest: I really want to be a mother (if you couldn't already tell) and have no patience when it comes to waiting for my husband to "be ready." It's very hard, just sitting here with no idea of when he will come to me and tell me that now it's time. It could be 6 months, it could be 2 years. It's just so hard to fight my own sinful nature of wanting everything now, to want it even though my husband says no. It is a struggle I will wrestle with for a while, until it can learn to trust God and His will, while also trusting my husband to lead us.

So for now I will stave off the feeling of disappointment and deprive myself the "need" for chocolate while I wait for Aunt Flo. I just wanted to share with you these struggles I'm having.

Weigh-In Friday!

Today was my first Friday Weigh-In. I have been a member of Weight Watchers for a couple months now, and had always weighed in on Sundays. That was a hard day for me. With the weekend generally comes one day were we eat a little differently than normal. A lot of Saturdays we have been traveling to Fort Wayne or Michigan, visiting family, celebrating babies (!!!) or weddings. I think the disappointment from Sunday weigh-ins and the stress to eat perfect 100% of the time was very hard for me to do; especially because I have a husband who hasn't embraced the healthy eating that I am working towards.

So today? 199.7 That -3.3 pounds! I am super stoked and believe this is the fire I needed to keep me going longer. We have taken a few walks this week and ate more on track that the last couple. I'm putting this down in the books as a win.

So.....goals. I have been thinking about goals for the last few days. I feel that I need to set a weight goal, an exercise goal, and a NSV (non-scale victory) goal. Here are my thoughts:

1. Weight Goal -- It is 6/6. I feel that to keep the motivation flowing I will have to set short term goals. My goal for the 4th of July (just under a month) will be a 5 pound loss. 194.7 While this translates to over a pound a week, I feel this will be easier to achieve due to the next goal.
2. Exercise Goal -- The husband and I signed up for the Colts 5K at the end of August. I haven't run since last fall. He hasn't run....well in a very long time. I want to work up to being able to complete the 5K non-stop. No time goal. This will require picking up our exercise routine and throwing some running in. I will do this.
3. NSV Goal -- I've really thought about the NSV goal that I would like to lay out. I have recently been able to fit back into size 16 jeans. My preference on jeans is loose and comfy; without looking real trashy. My goal for the next few months is to fit into the 16's with some breathing room!

There you have it folks; I would NEVER talk about this stuff out loud with most people, but I trust you guys :) 

Here's to motivation && creating a healthy lifestyle!

It's hard to be healthy when I love Chinese

I think my title says it all.

I have been seriously craving Chinese alllll day! And also craving exercise....but now I'm not really feeling the motivation to go do anything. It's also national running day! I wish there was a place I could go running that was safe but also not surrounded by a lot of people. Kids are particularly mean when they laugh and make comments. :( I have be healthier though, that is part of my goal in order to have children. I need to be exercising for 5+ days a week, no matter what type of exercise. Also, I need to cut out all the unwanted extra crap. I have pondered over whether I would want to try cutting out all the artificial crap...it's difficult though because it's so expensive! Especially considering the lack of stores in Shelbyville....and also having a husband who likes junk food as much as I do.

Come 8 at night I'm usually seriously craving chocolate or popcorn. Don't ask me why, it's just always one of the two...or both. Bah!!

I'm still suffering from baby fever pretty bad. It's really hard when people ask you if you're going to start trying to have kids soon. I usually have to stop myself from saying "I reallllllllly wish, but my husband doesn't want to!" I know we are not in a spectacular position to start working on adding to our family. I also know I need to be healthier to provide the best chance for our kids to grow up healthy. But I also really want to be a mom.

Gah....

So I think I will depart from the blog for now and try to muster up some will to work out or walk or something.


XOXO

Superwoman

Exhausted

I can't believe it's only Wednesday! I put in 11 hours at work yesterday and 10 today and I am absolutely beat! I can't wait for Saturday to get here so I can sleep in a little....

Yesterday was particularly rough for me as I affirmed that I can no longer eat avocados :( wahhhh I had a little 2 oz 100 calorie lack of guacamole from Wholly Guacamole and was in agony with stomach pain and heartburn within a half an hour. 

I have been thinking about my last post a bit and what I could do to later become a stay-at-home mom and also earn so income on the side. I really like to write and have dabbled in online publishing since I was in middle school; I also really enjoy reviewing products like the ones I get from my Influenster VoxBox. The problem is that so many people also like these things. How do I stand out in a world of stay-at-home mommy-bloggers?  Hmmm...

In the meantime I should probably focus on being healthier. I fully admit this week is very tough and it is highly unlikely I will remain under 200... Especially with the husbands siblings coming to stay with us on Friday. That and my ridiculously long hours this week makes me feel so frustrated that I just don't want to workout....

I'm an engineering contractor which means that I get paid by the hour-- and don't get holidays off. I really like where I'm working though, so I'm hoping to get hired on full-time. The pay is really good, but I'd much rather be able to take time off and catch my breath.

That is all that I have time for right now, but stick around and I'll post more soon.

XOXO - Superwoman 

Raw

It's hard. I don't know what to say. Sometimes I feel like this would be easier if I were just keeping a diary. Instead it's going to be wrong, ugly, honest. I forget sometimes that this really is a diary; no one else really reads this.  Why can't I be honest with myself? 

No real friends down here besides my husband, new house, new job, no family close by. This is hard.

So guess what? This is where I can talk about the things I'm afraid to admit out loud, things that I would tell my girlfriends...if they were here.

I focus so much on what's wrong instead of what's right. I've built this mentality up and have no reason why. 

I desperately want to be a mother. I have been for many months. It's been hard to say out loud though; with no girls to talk to. I have tried denying it to myself to no avail. I know we're not ready yet, but that doesn't stop my heart from wanting it. 

I know that there is still a long time until I will get such an honor. With that in mind, I am trying to better myself to be a better mother when it comes. I want to walk closer with The Lord, showing my children that a relationship with the Savior is something to want, and something worth working for. I want to be healthy when we get pregnant. I am very overweight (and miserable I might add) and cannot bear to think of being like this with a child on the way. I want to be financially stable so that we might be able to afford to have one of us stay home.

Regardless, I still want to be a mother. Those feelings were even made stronger when I was able to hold our dear friends newborn baby. Her mothers strength amazed me, and I silently scolded myself for not being strong enough, not being prepared enough.

I want those girlfriends I can have coffee with and just say "I really want to be a mother" or "I am really struggling with being healthy." But for now, I am on my own. Bringing these things up to my husband only makes him feel even more pressured so I must keep them to myself.

Life is hard. It's rough. It's raw. But it's also an amazing gift. One that I hope to enjoy with each passing day.

What do I post about?

Life here in central Indiana is hard. Over the past few weeks it's really been hitting me how alone I am. I guess I shouldn't say that. I live with my husband after all, and I love him very much. It's just hard to never have anyone to hang out with. He's off for a guys night and what do I have? Well....nothing. All of my friends are back in Fort Wayne. It's difficult to comprehend that just a year ago I was still a little busy-body; always running off to do something with someone. Now I am home at 4:30 and don't leave until work the next morning. I have no motivation to go out and be adventurous when it's just me.

I feel almost defeated to living this lifestyle. Work, home, Dinner, TV, Shower, Bed. Repeat. What happened to the girl that used to LOVE to be out and active? The girl who loved the thought of the next run or geocache hunt?

She's gone.

Now I'm a different woman. A woman who married a man that doesn't like those things. I let myself use those as excuses to be lazy. I did. Not my husband, not my surgeon, not my job. Me. So now I have to get back into it. I have to force myself to re-learn the things I new before. The things that came so easy to me.

This my friends, sucks. It really sucks.

So I ask for your help. For your support. To draw motivation from you and your success. I ask to be held accountable. To gain friends.

With ridiculously high winds (like almost-blow-my-car-over) I am unsure of whether going outside would be a good idea. I will find something to do.

Also, I am going to go Pop-free for a month. 4/29-5/29 in hopes to help me become a healthier person.

Please please please tell me I'm not alone in this.

Back on the Horse

I hope everyone out there in Blog land had a wonderful Easter. Mine was filled with lots of traveling, time with family and friends, and lots of not-tracked food.

Yes that's right; I didn't track anything this weekend. You know what? No guilt here. I worked my butt off for a month, was very conscientious about what and how much I ate. I knew that when this weekend was over I would jump right back on the horse. It was nice to eat food and not worry about how many points I had left. I even enjoyed my favorite Chinese food with my family.

Now, it's time to get to business. Now it's time to put one foot in front of the other. Figuratively, and literally. That's right friends: I am working my way back into running.

I will be running in the Fort 3 Fitness this year. My aspiration? To run the half again. I want to do this. I need to do this. But I'm scared. Scared to fail. Scared to find out I still can't run. Scared to learn that it's going to be hard, that more than a few times I will want to give up and just not do this. I can't accept that though.

I need to do this for so many reasons. I need to find myself again. I can't help but think about the past and how good I felt always running. I was in college, and I worked 3 jobs, but I had time still to do it. I wasn't fast, and I will never be fast, but I was free. Free from the troubles of the day, free from worry of failure, free of what-ifs. I had this great life and things seemed so perfect. Looking back now, the only thing I wish I had back then was my husband. I knew who he was, but we didn't hang out and we certainly weren't friends. In fact, I was crushing on another guy. A guy who was a complete and total waste of time. When it came down to it, I wasn't even worth being friends with. Now when I see him I realize that God was really looking out for me. I have a wonderful husband that I take for granted. I have a life to live and a life to love, but I'm not making the most of it.

I need to lose weight. I want to be a mom soo stinking bad. I know that it's not time yet, and I struggle with being okay with that. I am not ready to be a mom. I want to be healthy and fit and teach my children that living a healthy lifestyle is a good thing. I want to inspire my husband to be active. I want to feel the enjoyment of feeling the wind in my face as I quietly tick off another mile.

So why does all my motivation go out the window when I get home after work? It's frustrating and I don't get it. I just want to want to run and be healthy. I don't want to be so self-conscious of others around me. I don't want to care about the comments I get when running. I just want to run.

Alright dawgs; it's game time

I usually start my blogs by explaining a little about myself.

1. "Ex-Runner" -- I used to run all the time until having a serious surgery on my knee. Since then it's been hard to get back in the game. I'm hoping this blog will help motivate me to start again.
2. Weight Watchers member -- I've been a part of WW for just over a month now. The first month I lost 11 pounds! I love the simplicity of it. That, and the fact that I don't have to calculate everything on my own.
3. I'm a whale. -- Well pretty close to one. Currently sitting at 201.1 (as of my last official weigh-in). I've been down to 155 in my college years and through a series of unfortunate events, here I am.
4. Engineer -- Biomedical Engineer to be exact. I'm pretty stoked I found this degree. Love my job, love my work. It's great!
5. Married -- To a ginger! I know! Everyday is a constant battle to keep my soul :)
6. A Christ Follower -- I believe in the One True Living God. Jesus is my Savior, and I love Him more than anything! (At least I try to. I'm a sinner and I fail miserably time and time again. The great thing about God is that He still loves me and forgives me.)
7. A new homeowner -- Kinda a big deal.

There are a few facts about me. On here you will see lots of struggles, attempts at returning to exercise, weight loss, weight gains. It's an adventure though. One I plan to enjoy.