Falling Short Every Time

Sometimes there are those posts, be it Facebook, blog, or Twitter, that really resonate within me. Today Karri over at babebeforebaby posted about Struggles, Failures, and Success. I feel like that post was written for me; I feel that way any time I look at another lady. I am just way too free with myself. Today I reminisced of my very short-lived "glory days" in which I was at my healthiest and feeling great and could do anything. Between Sophomore and Junior year of college I really got my butt into shape by eating sensibly; my portions were much more appropriate, and I enjoyed the occasional treat. I worked out almost every day by running. By the time pre-season started for soccer I was down from ~180s to the ~150s. I was noticeably different, to the point where even the really good looking girls in school commented on how good I looked. Looking back now I realize that what really kept me rooted was my walk with the Lord. I was involved in Bible Studies and a couple Bible Groups, spent the appropriate amount of time away from technology and buried myself in my reading of His Word. 

Then my best friend of the time (and crush of 3 years) stopped hanging out with me, stopped talking with me. I was so very upset and confused. I had spent a vast majority of my days hanging out with that person, which also introduced me to the Bible, and all of a sudden he was gone. That was the point that I lost my way. I remember that I began eating to comfort myself instead of turning to God. I remember being angry. All I wanted was my friend, if that's all we would ever be that was fine; why couldn't we be friends anymore? I spent many days alone and upset, crying over anything that reminded me of the friendship I once had.

Eventually I gained a couple really good friends who helped me through that time. Those friendships are still alive today, even though we live thousands of miles apart. I began working out more, eating a little better. I even found a great man that I get to call my husband today. His love and patience with me is far greater than I deserve; a true gift from God. 

I know I am no where near perfect; my struggles are common with many people. Today it really hit me. What I am missing. I am not as close to God as I once was, instead letting trivial things take his place. My heart aches for my God, but my pride has kept me from admitting it. 

So here I am, confessing my struggles. Here I am laying it out for whoever reads. That's the first thing I need to fix. I need to dwell with God closer and longer and keep Him at the top of my priorities. His Grace is enough for me, and I need to remember that He will always love me, no matter how many times I mess up.